Stephen H Baum Leadership

Mike Carruthers on “Something You Should Know” on Strand Media asked me today what separates the extraordinary leaders from those who hold themselves back. The answer is “shaping experiences,” those moments that push you past what you think are your limits. And when you seize the moment (or create one), the experience re-wires your three brains.

Yes, your three brains: the reptilian brain which is about survival, the old brain which is about emotions and empathy for others, and the new brain which is about thinking and reasoning. And when these brains have been re-wired by a shaping experience, events today trigger the learning from as much as decades ago and help you through a new challenge.

It’s a lot like physical fitness training: when you start you think you will never do reps with 25 lbs. or never jump over a bench and there are challenges you fear. After pushing past your limits, it is amazing how your capacity grows and you are no longer afraid of what used to be daunting.

The shaping experience may be “swimming in water over your head” — attempting something you have never done and seems risky. There are ten archetypal shaping experiences that extraordinary leaders have in common. Another is “selling something (yourself, an intangible idea).“ Really “connecting with others” is a third — taking the focus off yourself and learning the motivations and expectations of others.   

Mike asked a great question: how do people get good at stepping up and trying, going first when someone asks for a volunteer? The answer is that leaders at some point test themselves: a trial, a setback, recovery, learning and trial again. Perhaps they take small risks at first. Baby steps. Then as their confidence grows, they can take self-doubt out of the risk calculation and ask whether it is worth if for the team to try. 

Finally, there are exercises and tests for developing all three brains. Face your fears if you want to keep the reptilian brain from holding you back so often. Do it at work or in physical activities or participate in a workshop on the subject. To work on your old brain, see how far you can go in putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Go first. See if you can do something for them however small that really connects. Find out how well you did by asking after the fact. For the new brain, work on your memory, your speed of problem-solving and your use of analogies. Seize opportunities to do these at work and in community activities. You are what you’ve tried, including when you’ve failed. It’s something you should know. Go for it!